Archive for the ‘Tips & Techniques’ Category

Do you define accomplishment by the completion of tasks…the reaching of your goals? Perhaps we should all consider a broader perspective.

I’m a do-er. In the past, I always measured my well-being by how much I got done in a day. Imagine how I felt when something unexpected would come up, taking me off of my plan. Or when tasks took longer to complete than I expected. I’d compensate by working harder…spending more time on my business. That often resulted in starting earlier, working later…sacrificing family and social time. Certainly, you know how that story would end.

Self-Denial in the Form of a False Sense of Accomplishment

I discovered that when I completed a project. I often had an immediate sense of satisfaction, which was immediately followed with the question, “What’s next?” For me, there was always present an element of self-judgment in not being at the goal line. Things would be better when this task is complete.

The problem with this approach is that this sets us up for failure. In other words, if we can’t feel OK unless we’ve finished something important to us, then we never can be truly happy. Sometime during my journey, I faced this destructive pattern.

Stop for a second. We must acknowledge to ourselves that life is a journey. Completion of one goal is always followed by another project, then another. Do we really want a lifelong continuing cycle of a.) Feeling lack as we set goals, b.) Playing the emotional rollercoaster of the feelings, “I’ll be OK when the goal is reached”, c.) Having the temporary thrill of excitement…and then d.) Doing the cycle all over again?

Then, I learned There’s a Better Way

While we’re alive, we never stop reaching for new things, so why not shift the measure of success to how we are feeling along the way. We’ve been talking for quite awhile on this blog about the importance of measuring how you’re doing by the joy you feel. So, set a new perspective of having fun as I make progress toward my goal. What better way could there be to attract more of what you want along the way than the attracting power of a feeling good place.

From that place, the completion of one project evolves naturally, and seemlessly, into the next step on your path.

Mynders

Election day in the U.S…today is the big one that comes around
every 4 years as we vote for a new President.

Every time this occurs, somewhere just over 50% of our voting
population is going to be happy and the other 49% (give or take)
are going to have the opportunity to truly face their issues, as
they ponder the implications of the next 4 years.

In this election, the outcome seems to take on even greater
significance because of the problems with the world economy, the
investing markets, the state of the war in Iraq, etc.

There’s gotta be a cosmic lesson in all this. Perhaps that lesson
opportunity is an internal one….just like it is for the fans of
both teams on a football field, praying that their team will win.

The outcome of the election is out of our individual hands, but
we can control our response to that outcome. If we find that we
have an emotional reaction to any of the above, it signifies that
we haven’t gotten our personal houses in order, so to speak.

If we’re concerned that Obama will tax away all our income,
perhaps we need to deal with issues around lack. If we’re
concerned that McCain’s troop policies will further hurt our
international relations, maybe we have to address personal image
issues. Invariably, if we’ve gotten hurt badly by the declines in
various markets, we must ask ourselves, “Did I take the
appropriate steps along the way to safeguard myself against this
outcome…or did I get sucked in by my emotions as markets were
going up?”

Take initial comfort in knowing that everyone is in this same
boat, to various degrees. But then, use the opportunity to dig
deep and do the work to build your individual emotional fortress.
Because that’s what it is all about…finding the good feeling
place within yourself even as external things aren’t at their
optimum. That’s the magnet of attracting what you do want.
Remember?

Mynders

In these times, when everything we hear about the economy tends to draw us into a negative space, how can we make sure we don’t get sucked-in?

In my experience, it all comes down to staying focused on what I am trying to attract. When things aren’t happening the way I’d like, it usually is because I’m too much in my head…paying attention to what’s current in my life, rather than what I want to attract. I’ve noticed that those who have the most success in using attraction principles to their benefit are those who just surrender to the process.

Do things always turn out for the best for you? I bet they do. Why is that? It’s due to the cumulative effect of your “more positive than negative” thought patterns attracting the end result. We need contrast to provide the clarity as to what we truly want in our lives. Avoid being sucked into the bad news. Sure, unless you are a hermit, you’ll know what’s going on in the world. But the choice is just how much you let in to your personal energy field. It’s not realistic, or even desirable, that you never see negative things in your world. The question is “How are you going to relate to those negatives…as a casual observer or a participant?”

Most importantly, in your daily practice, ask your guidance to bring into your experience those people, circumstances, and events who support the person you are becoming and for you not to be attracted to those who don’t serve that new vision.

It’s actually a simple formula that Spirit provides. And, it’s grounded in quantum physics. Thoughts are things with attracting power. You must focus on the positive aspects of your daily experience and look for the small manifestations of what you are calling forth. Doing so builds upon itself…one positive thought after another…until you can only see things in a positive light (regardless of what is going on around you). In that environment, positive change has to happen.

Mynders

This common mistake happens almost without your awareness. You put aside time every day to visualize what you want to create and to focus on what you want to feel. You keep your thoughts on what you want, not what you don’t want. You spend time looking for evidence of the availability of your desire. You tell the story of what your life will be like when you have your desire, and why you want it.

You are doing so much right! But your creation still hasn’t arrived. What’s up with that?

If you could listen to a recording of all of your thoughts and comments during a day, you would be amazed.

Even though we intend to be positive and focus our attention, thoughts and feelings, it just isn’t that easy. Much of the time it is as if our thoughts think us, instead of the other way around.

Thoughts and feelings become habits, just like the order in which you put on your socks and shoes. They just show up, unbidden, and run a constant background commentary about your life.

And until you can change those habitual patterns, you’ll need to be extra vigilant.

Your thoughts need supervision and direction…and in some cases, full-on training! And they need that 100% of the time in the beginning, when you are trying to make changes.

Sure, those big events in our lives are the ones we remember best. The day you got married, graduated, got a raise, won the lottery. Or that horrible car accident, when you broke your leg, the fire at the office. And they certainly affect your life.

But it’s not those big events, or even the daily 15 minute positive visualization time, that have the biggest impact on your creations.

It’s the small, constant everyday thoughts, feelings and actions that have the biggest impact. Your habits. And chances are, you don’t even know you are doing them.

But when you become aware, and then make steady small changes to shift from negative and upsetting thoughts to more positive and hopeful ones, that’s when you will really see positive change in your life.

This common visualization mistake is all too easy to commit. This is because it just happens so naturally, with the full support of the Law of Attraction.

There is a reason that people say “the better it gets, the better it gets” and “the worse it gets, the worse it gets.” They really are true sayings, and I’ll bet you have tons of evidence of the truth of these sayings in your own life.

Have you ever had a day where you woke up cranky, spilled your coffee all over yourself, and then locked your keys in your car? One of those ‘the worse it gets, the worse it gets’ days? Well, join the club - we’ve all had them.

And how about those middle-of-the-night disaster binges, when you wake up for some reason at 2AM and then can’t get back to sleep. And while you lie there, your mind takes a trip down all of the possible ways your life could turn to crap. One negative or worried thought starts it, and then a whole bunch of worries come rolling in after it.

And I’ll bet you’ve also had the opposite - ‘the better it gets, the better it gets.’

You wake up to birds singing and sun shining, your partner has made a great breakfast, traffic is great and you get to work early, just in time to swoop into a parking space right in front of your office. I could go on and on, but you know what I mean.

And aren’t those days GREAT?!

And I’ll bet you have also had days that started out really good, only to have someone else give you information that turned your day the other way. A coworker comes up and tells you a story about some upsetting incident, then you both speculate on how that might affect you. Someone else wanders over, shares their concerns, and off you go! Focusing on negative thoughts that do a fantastic job of attracting other negative thoughts and events.

Thankfully it can work the other way as well. Your day starts out tough, but when you get to work, you find a letter from a customer on your desk. They thank you for your help, and inform you that they have also sent a letter of praise to your boss. A few minutes later your boss calls you in to tell you about this letter she received and compliments you. You glow with the praise. Then when you leave the office, a coworker asks you why you look so happy. You share, and your coworker reinforces the compliment. Ahhhhh.

When you recognize that this is how it works, then you stop those negative thoughts as soon as you are aware of them. Force yourself to think of something positive - think about something you want and expect. About good times you have had. Or about similar situations that were easilyl and successfully resolved.

And if you can’t find the positive right then, just distract yourself. Do whatever it takes to break that negative thought chain.

When you can do that, then you’ll have mastered the on-off switch for ‘the better it gets, the better it gets.’

In a previous post we touched on the time delay between wanting, visualizing and receiving. And it is during this time delay that we often commit a common mistake - we start to justify why we don’t have it yet.

Sure, you can come up with all kinds of reasons you don’t have what you want. And if you have told your friends what you are creating, then it can even get messier, especially if you have some friends who don’t understand how visualizing and attracting work.

Let’s look at a relationship example. You know how it is when you want a relationship with a certain type of someone, but you don’t have it yet? When the relationships you do have just don’t measure up?

So you spend a lot of time telling yourself and your friends why you don’t have that perfect relationship yet. You give your excuses, and justify your current situation. Maybe you think you aren’t pretty enough, slim enough, smart enough, funny enough.

Everyone has their favorite reasons and justifications, but dwelling on them doesn’t help you get what you want.

You have a choice.

You can spend all of your time and conversation hashing over your justifications for not having the relationship you want. And the more you tell that story about why you can’t have it or don’t deserve it, the more you will believe it. And the more it will be true for you.

Tell a New Story - The One You Want to be True

Or you can stop all the justification and tell a new story.

Your excuses are only valid if you continue to hang on to them. Instead, look for evidence to the contrary. Decide to find evidence that you can have what you want.

Back to our example - have you been making your weight your excuse? There are tons of people who are overweight who have marvelous relationships. Look around. When you see them, tell yourself that it can happen, and right there is evidence.

So stop justifying why you don’t have your desire yet. Instead, talk about how wonderful it will be when you do have it. How you will enjoy it, what you will do with it, how your life will be different.

So, tell a new story. And focus on what you want, why you want it, and how your life will be when you have it.

This is one of my favorite common mistakes in visualizing and creating. It actually isn’t a mistake we make during visualization - it’s something that happens later.

The thing about visualizing and attracting new desires into your life is that they usually don’t happen instantly. There is most often a time delay between your wanting something, imagining it to be so, and having it show up for you.

And it’s in this time gap that it is just too easy to derail your creation. To keep it from showing up for you in a way that you can accept it and receive it into your life by not understanding the way this all works.

When we really, really want something that we don’t have, and we see someone else who has it…well, that tends to make most of us miserable. We feel like everyone gets to have what we want but us. It’s as if we were being mocked by the world, to see so many people having something we want so much, but don’t have.

Here’s the thing. That’s not the message you should get at all! When you know how this works, then you can interpret these incidents and observations accurately.

Your Desires Will Probably Show Up First In the Lives of Others

When you want something and have spent time thinking about it (and even visualizing it), that energy and those thoughts begin to attract evidence. A sifting and sorting process begins, and the result is like a spotlight being shined on actual demonstrations of your thoughts and desires in action.

The trick is, the evidence first shows up all around you — and most likely in the lives of others!

And the message that is really being communicated to you is, “Sure, you can have that! Let me show you how easy it is. How available. Here is an example of someone who has what you want - and another one - and another. And you can have it, too.”

So when you start to see other people who have what you want, don’t wallow about feeling left out and discouraged. Instead, recognize this as evidence that what you want is possible. Celebrate it! Congratulate yourself for bringing this evidence into your awareness.

And when you see evidence that what you want is possible, you can then use this time delay to start to refine your desires. If you see something that is almost perfect, but not quite, then include those pieces of perfection in your visualization next time. And leave out the parts you didn’t like as well. It’s like molding clay - you can massage it, add to it, substitute parts.

So continue to visualize what you want, always refining your creation from the evidence you see appearing around you. Remember to include how you will feel when you have your desire. And tell your story in anticipation and expectation that your desire is on its way to you.

There is a good reason to know what we don’t want, and to spend a bit of time really thinking about it. It’s what we know we don’t want that helps us to determine what we do want. And it’s a common mistake we all make.

All too often, though, we tend to focus on what we don’t want. And then we stop there.

In a recent post, we talked about the importance of your emotions in visualizing and creating.
And if your feelings are so critical (and they are), think for a moment how you feel when you start to list all the things you don’t want.

Do you feel great? Inspired? Happy?

Nope. If you pay close attention, you will probably notice yourself clenching up, getting anxious, and maybe even getting a bit depressed.

That’s because your emotions (and the universe) don’t really hear the word ‘No’ or ‘I don’t want to.” Instead, they respond to the rest of the sentence.

Let’s try one. Imagine you are going on a vacation to Tahiti on an airplane, and you have really been looking forward to meeting your friends there. It’s a cloudy, stormy day, and you want to create a safe, smooth trip.

Spend a few minutes on the following sentences, and pay attention to your feelings as you do so:

• I don’t want to have a bumpy, jolting ride, where the plane rises and falls thousands of feet at a time, tossed around by wind currents.

• I don’t want a plane full of airsick people. More importantly, I don’t want to get airsick.

• I certainly don’t want to crash. I hate flying in bad weather.

• I don’t want to have to turn around midway there and get diverted to another airport because of the weather.

• I don’t want to have major delays and miss my connecting flight to Tahiti. The next flight isn’t for four days, and I’ll miss half my vacation if that happens.

• I don’t want delays to cause my luggage to get left behind, so that I don’t have my clothes or snorkel gear for days.

I’ll bet as you were reading through those sentences about what you don’t want, you found yourself remembering past vacations where some of that did happen. Or maybe you found yourself easily coming up with more horrors that you don’t want to happen.

It’s the Law of Attraction acting on your thoughts. Whatever you think about attracts more thoughts of the same nature.

So now let’s fix what we created, and spend some time imagining what we do want.

Again, spend a few minutes on the following types of sentences, and pay attention to your feelings as you do so:

• I want a smooth flight with happy people around me.

• I want my connections to be good, and my flights to be early.

• I want to quickly have us fly above the clouds and our trip will be as smooth as silk.

• I imagine myself falling asleep on the plane and waking up refreshed and excited to be in Tahiti.

• I see myself making new friends on the plane, and having them tell me about wonderful places to visit in Tahiti that I wouldn’t have known about otherwise.

• I can already see my friends meeting me at the Tahiti airport, waving and smiling.

Did you notice a difference in your feelings when you read these sentences? Did you find yourself coming up with more great ‘wants’ for your list?

Amazing, wasn’t it. And informative.

So now, when you sit to visualize, or even just throughout your day, when you catch yourself focusing on what you don’t want, acknowledge your desires and quickly switch to imagining what you DO want instead. You will quickly find yourself creating more of what you really want in your life.

There are tons of articles and books on using your thoughts to create what you desire. Controlling your thoughts is a common mistake we make when learning to use visualization to create in our lives, and it often falls short when put into practice.

Why?

Because it’s your feelings that matter, not your thoughts. You use your thoughts to create, enhance and empower your emotions.

Your Emotions Rule Your Creations

When you are attracting new things, people or experiences into your life, how you are feeling about them makes all the difference.

Most of us have practiced affirmations at one time or another. And they probably haven’t worked exactly as we had hoped.

If this has been your experience, then you probably remember feeling a bit funny and unsure while saying your lofty affirmations. There was a part of you whispering (or maybe screaming) “That’s not true. That’ll never happen.” You maybe even felt a bit depressed after saying your affirmations.

And you knew that wasn’t the way it was supposed to work, but had no idea what to change.

Concentrate on Your Feelings

Since it is your emotions that are the basis of those vibrations that go out into the universe and draw what you want to you, you’ll want to pay close attention to them.

But it isn’t easy to simply whip up a happy and confident emotion at the drop of a hat. In fact, sometimes it is darn near impossible.

So what can you do instead to start to nudge your feelings in the right direction?

When you sit down to visualize, instead of focusing on the nit-picky details you want in your creation, focus on how you will feel when you have it.

Want a new job? Instead of just visualizing yourself walking into the building, sitting at the desk, cashing your bigger paycheck, spend time visualizing how you will feel when you have a new job.

Ask yourself why you want a new job. For the joy of the increased income? For security? For the fun of the challenge? To enjoy the new friendships you will make? To contribute more to society?

And get honest with yourself. If it’s the prestige you will enjoy most, include that. Imagine people recognizing you on the street, coming up to introduce themselves. Visualize awards and recognition banquets in your honor.

And most importantly, imagine how you will feel when these things happen. Satisfaction at what you have accomplished, pride in your work, enjoyment of the new opportunities that will come your way.

Focusing on your emotions and how you will feel when you attract what you want in your life is the key. It works to create a job or a relationship, or to attract health and well-being.

Create a story that tells your dreams…what you will do when you have your desires, how you will feel. What life will be like. Tell that story to yourself, and really get into the feeling of it.

Using visualization successfully is an art (and a bit of a science), and there are lots of ways to mess it up and make it less effective. Being too specific is mistake number one from seven common mistakes in visualizing.

So just how can visualizing lots of very specific details cause your creation to bog down?

You’ll get thrown off your creation path when your desire and your belief that you can actually have what you want don’t match.

You want to be just as specific as you can be and still believe it to be possible - and no more.

Let’s use an example of wanting a positive, supportive relationship in your life.

Maybe you already have a specific someone in mind when you think of your perfect relationship. Or maybe you just have tons of details - height, weight, age, career, hair color, degree of attractiveness. The list can go on and on.

Well, these details can be exhilarating…or they can totally derail your dream. It depends.

If you are visualizing a specific person, for example, but that person is so totally unavailable, your mind probably also says ‘Get real. It’ll never happen!’

Then you are being too specific.

Plus, if you are like me, you don’t always know enough to be very certain that this is your perfect person. You don’t know everything there is to know about him or her.

There was a time in my 20’s when I was absolutely certain that I had found my ‘one and only.’ My soul mate. We dated for a while and it was rocky. Then he broke the relationship off.

I continued to want that relationship back for a long time, and focused my desire and attention on that person, and that person only. Nobody else would do!

I don’t need to tell you that I didn’t get that guy back.

But my continued focus on that one person certainly blocked anything positive from happening in my relationship life for a long time. Too detailed. Too specific.

It wasn’t until I wrote my list of desired relationship aspects in a way that allowed the universe some elbow room for creation that I attracted Mynders into my life.

I wrote a list that described aspects I wanted in a relationship, not just a specific person. And then the universe went out and found me a perfect match. And arranged a meeting, even though I lived in Minneapolis, and Mynders lived near Seattle.

So when you are starting to visualize your desires, back off a bit. Make a list of the aspects that you desire and value about that specific person or job or car (or whatever), and recognize that there are many ways these qualities can be delivered to you.

Just leave that detailed picture a bit blurry and speed up your creating.